More septuagenarian woes

So, remember Scout, Henrietta, and Camilla? Well, are you ready for some updates on them? Here goes…

Recently, I was visiting Scout. Yep, took the kids and had a great time. Anyway, when I arrived, Scout said to me, “Guess what Henrietta said to me yesterday?” I knew it was going to be something crazy, but I managed to crack a joke implying that she didn’t want to come see me while I was in town. We laughed together (since she always makes sure to come see me when I am at Scout’s, and usually brings me yummy food, too!) and Scout told me that she actually said something rather shocking. Prepare yourselves, Dear Readers, for a shock of selfishness. Henrietta said that she no longer would be showing up for any parties that would be happening in the future (for example, birthday parties, Christmas parties, etc.), because she was too uncomfortable being there. Scout was shocked and asked if Camilla had said or done anything to her to make her feel this way. Henrietta admitted that Camilla had done nothing, but that she just felt unwelcome when Camilla was around. I was so proud of Scout when she told Henrietta that if that’s how she feels its her own fault and she’s an adult and can make her own decisions about attending parties. I couldn’t believe that Henrietta actually said that, but I was so proud that Scout didn’t go down the route of “Please please please come to our parties!”. Once again, the digression to high school antics is rather ridiculous.

But wait! There’s more! (Just like an infomercial, huh?)

Henrietta did, indeed, come to visit me and the kids while we were at Scout’s house. The phone rang, and can you guess who it was? Yep, Camilla! She was calling to say that she was coming to visit in just a few minutes. When Henrietta found out, she straight up said, “Well, I’m leaving.” I was in such shock that I told her “No, you aren’t. Don’t be that way.” When Camilla did show up, Henrietta ended up staying for awhile, so I was happy.

But wait! There’s more! (I told you it was like an infomercial!)

Henrietta was holding Piper when Camilla walked in. Henrietta almost immediately offered to pass off Piper to Camilla since she had been holding her for quite some time. Camilla said no. NO? To hold my darling baby? NO?! What kind of woman says no to holding a baby!? Mind you, when Camilla had held Michael as a baby (rare, rare, rare-I can think of two times), I was a hovering mother. I had “First Born Disease” (You know how first time mommies tend to hover and be just a teensy bit more protective and somewhat anal than they are with subsequently born children? I have dubbed that First Born Disease, competing with conventionally known Second Born Syndrome, which refers to all other children who seem to get the short end of the stick compared to the First Borns – and Only’s, but that’s another story) and she seemed so awkward holding him that I admit, I was scared he would get dropped. Yet, I told myself that this woman had reared three children and they all turned out semi-ok (haha). But I digress (a whole four and a half years!)…

Eventually, Henrietta told Camilla that it was her turn and stood up, telling her that she had to sit in the chair she just vacated because “those were the rules”. I laughed so hard (out loud, even) because we hadn’t told Henrietta that she had to sit there, but I was happy that Camilla was leaving a dining chair for a big sofa-y chair. Safer for my little one, you know. I felt First Born Disease starting to come back and told myself that now was time for Second Born Syndrome to kick in instead. Besides, Scout was a mere three feet away and doing a fine job of watching to make sure that all parts of ‘the Pipes’ got transferred from Henrietta to Camilla.

I swear to you that not two minutes, TWO MINUTES!, Camilla said, “Oh, I think she wants her Mommy.” Um, hello? My child is beautiful and just plain perfect, and you are ready to give her back after TWO MINUTES?! Oh wait-she actually made a noise, so she is clearly unhappy and wanting her mother. HELLO?? Babies make noises, it doesn’t mean they are hungry or miserable each time they coo! CHEESE AND RICE! So, I said…

“Oh, she’s fine. You can hold her longer.”

Scout nearly laughed her face off-she actually had to leave the room (“Drinks, anyone?”) to save herself from smirking in front of Camilla.

Yet two minutes later, Camilla said again that Piper wanted me. So I said, “Ok, I’ll take her…but I’m going to go to the bathroom first.” And off I went. Mind you, I was in there less than a minute, and when I came out Scout was holding Piper. Apparently, Camilla isn’t into holding the little ones. “Oh, Staciedear,” she says (and yes, Staciedear is one word), “she is just so beautiful.” Oi.


One response to “More septuagenarian woes

  1. I should probably reserve my comments as they might incriminate me. Ugh!

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